Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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