And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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