Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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