I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
