im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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