That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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