im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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