She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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