Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
