Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
