Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
