I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
