I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
