I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
