can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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