I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
