I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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