i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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