just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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