Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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