there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
