some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
