TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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