Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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