You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
