Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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