I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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