is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
