LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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