I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
