he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
