Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
