Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
