i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
