Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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