I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
