the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want her autograph on my taint
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dear god my vagina.
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