Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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