I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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