woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
