I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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