Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
