She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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