Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
