you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
