I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
