i barfeds in our rink
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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