You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
