You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
