I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
