Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were trust falling into bushes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
