Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
