Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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