if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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