I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
