Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
