so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
pray to the hookup gods
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
