Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
