Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
