dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
