tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
