I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
