I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
