My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize