Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
