no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize