"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
