I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I touched a dick in church today
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
