Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
