you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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