Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
