Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
