Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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